World Wrestling Entertainment, much better known as the WWE, brought its top rated television show live to the HSBC Arena, Monday Night Raw. If you’re still reading past the first sentence, odds are you were either at the arena for the show, watched it unfold live on television or are incredibly bored. But just in case you happened to forget about it, here’s a brief recap of the biggest thing to hit Buffalo since Meatloaf took the town by storm just days ago.
Triple-H (HHH) came out to start the show and hype his Wrestlemania matchup with the Undertaker. He said his sole purpose left in wrestling is to end the Undertaker’s perfect 18-0 Wrestlemania streak and indicated at the end of his microphone time that if he loses, his career we’ll be over.
Shaemus came out, presumably to remind HHH that he put him on the “shelf” for the past 10+ months. HHH kicked him where I’m sure it’s illegal, before proceeding to pound his head in on the outside of the ring and ultimately, pedigree him through the announce table (and no, there was no Spanish announce table).
Moments later, Evan Bourne returned from injury, also suffered at the hands of Shamus, and beat him within two minutes since Shamus was already hurt at the hands of the “Cerebral Assassin.”
Newly minted heel announcer Michael Cole came to the ring and accepted Jerry Lawler’s Wrestlemania challenge to a match, but not before Cole added two stipulations to the match: he gets to select his own trainer and also the referee. Out came Jack Swagger, who will teach him the ankle lock and also the art of talking with a severe lisp. Standing behind the All-American, American, American (is that enough American’s?), Cole slapped the taste from Lawler’s mouth. The King tried to get after Cole but was rolled up from behind by Swagger and put in his excruciatingly painful ankle lock.
Ironically enough, Lawler was seen walking around just fine backstage moments later.
After a commercial, Randy Orton comes to the ring and says he regrets not punting C.M. Punk in the head harder two years ago. I’m betting Orton isn’t the only one who’d like to punt Punk in the head again… Shawne Merriman, anyone?
Anyway, Punk along with his three members of the “New Nexus” hit the ramp and just before they get ready to rough him up four-on-one style, the annoying cell phone sound goes off; and a message from the “anonymous Raw General Manager” is read. He says…. and I quote— that Punk and Orton will face off at Wrestlemania and in the weeks leading up to the match, Orton will face each of the three other members in single matches. The hitch is if Orton wins each will be banned from interfering but if he loses, they’ll be allowed at ringside. Personally, I think Orton gets shafted on the deal as he has to go 3-0 over the next three Raw time fillers to make his Punk encounter a one on one, but I digress.
So Orton faces Nexus member Michael McGuillicutty and basically destroys him, finishing with his patented “RKO” move. Post match, Orton lines him up for the punt to the skull and Punk appears and warns him not to. For some reason, Orton doesn’t adhere and goes all Rian Lindell on him before running up the aisle. Wait, didn’t Orton do the same to him a few weeks ago? McGuillicutty is having a rough month.
Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold is coming to Monday Night Raw—- in Austin, Texas next week. Buffalo fans gets screwed out of that one by a week.
A promo is shown for someone who looks just like Rey Misterio coming to the WWE soon.
The guy formerly of MTV’s “Real World” comes out, who also happens to be the current WWE champion. The Miz, who is arguably the best talker in the company since the Rock left seven years ago, takes the mic. Miz talks trash about the Rock, saying his days have “been over for some time.” Miz says he’s the reason the people are in the crowd tonight. That’s not true; they’re there because the Sabres aren’t playing, there’s no local college teams in action and the NFL combine only happens during the day. Also, anyone notice there was no “Two and a Half Men” on CBS tonight? Miz threatens to beat Cena at Wrestlemania and then beat up the Rock on the very same night (impressive).
John Cena comes out, and my eight-year son, who’s in the arena, goes crazy. Cena pulls out a very large “doctor’s note” that says Miz has Obsessive Compulsion Disorder. Cena proceeds to throw some pretty funny verbal jabs Miz’s way. Alex Riley, Miz’s “confidant”, apparently hates everyone named John and makes the worst toilet joke in history.
After going back and forth they eventually agree to a match, Cena vs. Riley with the stipulation being if Cena wins Riley can’t be with Miz anymore and if Riley wins, Cena will have to admit publicly to Miz being the greatest superstar in WWE history. That should be easy for him to say, because after all, he’s the Miz… and he’s awesome.
To make things more fun, the computer GM says the match will be in a steel cage. Victory for Buffalo.
Finally, the chicks. WWE Diva’s champion Eve is at the announce table while six women are in the ring for what I guess is a women’s battle royal with the winner getting a title shot. One of, if not both Bella twins ended up winning. They then attack poor Eve two on one… wrestling can be so cruel sometimes.
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